I'm back, for good?

It's been a while, I know! No excuses, just my sorry lazy ass, so let's jump straight back in.

Need a reminder? WELL! This blog will document my journey out of the darkness induced by Type II Bipolar Disorder. I study design and am determined to renovate every aspect of my sad little life, so please come along for the ride!

Now, for my new project: 

The Bedroom!

I’m redecorating my itty-bitty room, which is a little reward for the last few months’ saving and hard work. I’m excited to buy a nice big bed, a rug to cover the mucky carpet, a highboy for more storage and some wall decorations.

There’s nothing like an update of surroundings to lighten your mood.
Hopefully I’ll be doing some DIY bits and pieces and I’ll document them here, or at least link them in from my other blog. I think this is just the process I need to kick my butt into gear!

In deep and it's deadly.

I’m on the edge of a precipice, waiting for my heart to make it’s decision. I am at one of those grandiose moments which movie’s are made from, this is a pivotal, the pivotal, moment.

I cannot go on living this way, physically or mentally. I’ve ruptured my entire existence, EVERYTHING is broken. I either kill myself or make some serious and very life altering decisions.
So, what is a girl to do?

I honestly don’t know if I have the strength to take up this fight again but I couldn’t bare to hurt my family. I also can’t live how I currently am, with how I’m currently feeling and acting. I’m terrifying myself. I’m fucked.

The world makes me feel sick.

The media makes me sick, the cynicism makes me sick, the injustice and the corruption makes me sick. You want to know the worst part? I'm the worst part. I am a self absorbed, middle income westerner with no idea about the real issues and consequences in the world. I am an uneducated, naive child who many look down upon for trying to help.

So what do I do? Do I ridicule the charities promoted to us and risk ignoring a cause I could understand and help? Or do I dive right in to whatever cause catches my interest, ignoring the condescending naysayers?

I'm thoroughly confused. I've held a distant interest in The Invisible Children for a couple of years, monitoring their influence on the deployment of US troops into Uganda. I have jumped on board the Kony 2012 bandwagon because a few extra voices will do nothing but benefit the issue. But I'm not totally blinded by the flashy MTV-styled short film. I did my research, I know that Kony has moved out of Uganda, I know that his forces are depleted and struggling but I also know that he's not arrested and locked up yet. So what's a girl to do?

I know what I'm going to do. I'm ignoring all the fuckwits and supporting whatever I want to support, including Kony. I'm also going to support any other cause I see fit, whether it seems trivial to others or not. I'm going to start believing in myself and what I think is important.


This year, I'm important. It's also going to be Emma 2012.

The reason why I started this blog...

My life has been on a steady downward spiral for a few months now. See, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder early last year, a very late diagnosis considering in the past seven years I've been hospitalized twice for an eating disorder and thrice for suicide attempts. Anyway, I was diagnosed correctly and thought I was well on my way to a whole and happy life. I've had a considerable relapse.

This blog is me getting back on my feet and fighting the dark side tooth and nail. I refuse to let it get the best of me. I've got goals and plans and will strip myself bare on this blog, it will force me into action, I will be held accountable for my actions. I do hope I'll have support along my journey but if not, it's fine, I am strong enough to go it alone. This blog is mine, as is the world.